used to give me cable for free. There was a wire coming through the window and I just plugged it in. I got all the good channels like E!.

Then one day I came home to a mess. Burglars had rigged a tenuous footbridge of two-by-fours to my fifth-floor window and had torn through my possessions.

Incredibly, nothing seemed to be missing!

Shaken, I turned on CNN to see if there were any news stories about the break-in yet.

No dice. The bastards had taken my cable.